A special time.

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Sometimes things happen in life which cause us to pause from the normal routine of things and reflect on the "bigger issues". My dear ole Dad died just over a week ago - yes he was a great age - but it still came as a shock. Although his mind was dimming, he was still physically pretty active for a nono-genarian and he still delighted in his greenhouse and garden.

When most of us fast forward to those last years of life we like to think that we'll "slip off the twig" in our sleep after the golden glow of a long and happy life, but for more and more people Dementia and strokes seem to blight those final years of life. So I thought I'd write down a few suggestions for how I like to be treated should I start to go Bonkers or, even worse, have a debilitating stroke or disease.

PLEASE DO NOT sit me in front of a TV from early morning! Over the years I have visited many nursing home and seen so many frail people planted in from of early morning TV with inane programs or cartoons! I would hate that even if I was mad! Find a window where I can see the world, or even better sit me in a garden where I can feel the breeze and let the flies tickle my face. If it rains, even better to feel the drops of water on my body: and does it really matter if I get a cold or pneumonia afterwards?

I've always loved trying different things so take me out to the beach, or lower me into a swimming pool: push my wheelchair to the edge of a cliff so that I can experience danger - even if it kills me! And don't worry about me being comfortable in a car - when you were kids we strapped you into seats and I'm sure you filled your nappy too on many a long trip.

Stick some ear phones on my head with music that you think I might like, pod-casts that may interest me, or just the sounds of nature on a cold and wet day. I may appear distant and dribble, but it's what happens deep inside that really counts now - and everything you do with love will be heard in the depths of my soul.

Let the little people near me - they have enormous, yet beautiful energy - and their vision often extends far beyond that of we myopic parents. If they tip me out of a chair or spill something on me - who cares - every blot will be a badge that I can marvel at, every bruise a vivid memory

Dare to believe that you can still connect with me because when I'm no longer here, I still want you to be able to maintain that connection - not for me, but for you because you will miss me just as I will be missing you.

Grieving

Tweet We went to a funeral the other day: most people in science and the medical profession don't talk about death unless it happens to someone close to them, but one thing is certain in life and that is that we will all die. One of the challenges that medicine faces is that it is often see as searching for a "cure" for cancer and a "cure" for heart disease, our two biggest "killers"; when what is really happening is that we're relieving one problem and delaying the inevitable.

Funerals are a difficult time because of all the raw emotion involved, and I always stand in awe of grieving family members who get up and deliver loving eulogies that are obviously gut-wrenching to perform: I often find myself heaving with suppressed sobs as I listen to them. The service I attended was a Catholic service and not only gave great dignity and ceremony to this final farewell for the person who had died, but provided a framework for those who were saying their loving farewells, to complete this traumatic episode in their lives.

Two poems during the service helped illustrate both the awful emotion of the final farewell, and the hope that those with faith have and which helps nurture them in life. The first poem was made "famous" in the film "Three weddings and a funeral" and is by W.H. Auden, and starts:

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone.

Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,

Silence the piano and with muffled drum

Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

The final verse goes:

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun.

Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;

For nothing now can ever come to any good.

It really sums up how one must feel when your nearest and most beloved is being laid to rest forever.

The other poem was probably written some 3,00 years ago and is found in the Bible in the Song of Songs, and provides some hope and comfort for those with Faith:

My lover speaks to me,

"Come then, my love;

My darling, come with me.

The winter is over;

The rains have stopped;

In the countryside the flowers are in bloom.

This is the time for singing;

The song of doves is heard in the fields.

Figs are beginging to ripen;

The air is fragrant with blossoming vines.

Come then, my love;

My darling, come with me".

Close your heart to every love but mine;

Hold no one in your arms but me.

Love is as powerful as death;

Passion is as strong as death itself.

It bursts into flames and burns like a raging fire.

Water cannot put it out;

No flood can drown it.